American Whalepig

American Whalepig

Kingdom: Animalia; Phylum: Chordata; Class: Mammalia; Order: Theria; Family: Physeteridae; Genus: Sus; Species: Physeter mammothis.

The Whalepig has been a part of the animal kingdom for millennia, swimming under the surface of society. In more recent times, however, it has become much more prominent and the subject of much discussion. This is because it is so massive and disgusting.

The Whalepig is exceptionally large due to its poor diet, lack of exercise and generally poor life-style choices. It is no-one else’s fault. It is a choice made by the Whalepig.

The Whalepig struggles with taking responsibility for its actions. The Whalepig is self-delusional. Some Whalepigs have been known to blame the beach for becoming beached. The beach is no place for a Whalepig.

Pregnant Whalepigs tend to consume extremely large amounts of food. The phrase ‘I am eating for two’ is commonly used to explain this vast increase in consumption.  However, scientific research by the Japanese on Whalepigs has never taken place so we cannot confirm this.

Though many species of Whale are endangered, the Whalepig population continues to increase both in number and in proportionality to overall sea life. This is a worrying trend as it places a major strain on resources.

The Whalepig has the propensity to have major health problems. These include things such as diabetes and heart disease, and it is also known as the point of origin of the aptly named Whaleswine-flu.

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